Herman Cain is going to respond to the groping incident this afternoon. This week could be a bumpy ride for Herman Cain, though probably not as disturbing as the ride he gave Sharon Bialek in his car back in 1997. Bialek said that Cain suddenly thrust his hand up her skirt and tried to shove her head into his crotch. Wow, that’s exactly like what happened with Herman Cain’s campaign last month—it just came out of nowhere! Now Cain is thrusting his hand up the skirt of the Republican base, and trying to force the head of GOP primary voters into his crotch. And he’s finding that they’re a lot more cooperative than Sharon Bialek.
What’s up with Herman’s game? My leg has gotten more subtle sexual advances from my friends’ dog. I want to ask Herman Cain if his approach ever works, but I’m afraid the answer would be “Yes, if I can get the duct tape around her wrists quickly enough.” After breaking the ice with the old “crotch grab/head push” maneuver, Cain asked Bialek “You want a job, right?” just to make sure there’s no confusion, which is usually the case with Herman Cain. When you think about it, this encounter is the only example of Herman Cain being completely understandable and not sending conflicting messages. Maybe the only time Herman Cain is clear on his position is when he wants sex. Let’s face it, if Herman approached women the way he discusses the issues, the guy would never have sex: “I want to go to bed with you.” “I never said I want to go to bed with you.” The fact that Herman can’t seem to put together a coherent thought unless he’s demanding sex pretty much limits his range if he was President of the United States. “My fellow Americans, I was unable to reach an economic agreement at the G20 conference. But I did get to third base with Angela Merkel.”
While Herman Cain is imploding, it should be noted that Mitt Romney is out there gamely trying to sound even worse than Herman. In a classic moment, Mitt Romney told workers at a steel plant “I spent my life doing what you guys are doing.” You must be smart, Mitt—you’re the first steelworker ever to amass a fortune of hundreds of millions of dollars. I don’t think so, Mitt—no steelworker in history had hair as beautifully coiffed as yours. And I’m including Jennifer Beals’ character from the movie “Flashdance.”
Listen to me Monday through Friday from 6 PM to 8 PM on WWRL AM 1600 and WWRL1600.com.
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