The best indication of how Mitt Romney would handle a disaster is how he’s handling his campaign right now—it’s not only a disaster, it’s a disaster that he created. New polls show Obama widening his lead in the crucial swing states of Ohio and Florida. For Mitt, that’s two swings, and two misses. Obama is leading in the state that’s round on the ends and “hi” in the middle. And he’s leading in the state that’s... well, that’s Florida. Florida is just phallic, from its Pensacola to its Tortugas. Those even sound like things you’d see on a doctor’s chart of the male genitalia. “Your Pensacola is sore because you’ve got Dry Tortugas. Try some ointment.”
On the campaign trail, Mitt Romney admitted that President Obama did not raise taxes. It was an accident—once again, Mitt created such a circle of lies that he came 360 degrees around to the truth. Mitt! Your whole campaign is built on lies. You should know not to say certain things just from the fact that they are true. Of course, as soon as they found out that Mitt had accidentally said something true, his campaign issued a correction. Well, I guess you would have to call it an “in-correction.” Mitt is living proof that it’s easy enough to lie, but it’s rather difficult to lie consistently.
Mitt is trying to use Paul Ryan to save his campaign. He actually has to use Ryan to appeal to his own base. We’re well into the general election, and Mitt still hasn’t really won the primary! Now Romney and Ryan are campaigning together. The campaign is hoping that Ryan can draw crowds, where they can try to force Mitt Romney down their throat. It’s like when you have to give your dog a pill so you wrap it in something they like. Mitt Romney is a de-worming pill, and Paul Ryan is a scoop of peanut butter.
The deadline for Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin to drop out of the Senate race in Missouri has come and gone—and so has any chance the Republicans had of winning the Senate race in Missouri. As soon as the deadline to withdraw passed, Akin’s Democratic opponent Claire McCaskill released an ad documenting the “top 10 crazy Akin moments.” I’m sure that took some selective editing—not to make the quotes sound crazy, to edit it down to 10!
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