Today President Obama announces some of his plan for immigration reform. The President’s plan will surely be better than the bipartisan Senate proposal. Maybe that’s the selling point that they’ll use to get the bipartisan plan past the Tea Party—“Yes, it makes sense, but not nearly as much sense as Obama’s plan!” Dealing with the bizarre world of the GOP extremists in the House is like trying to write legislation in the mirror!
The Senate proposal would make the path to citizenship much tougher than Obama’s plan. Under the Senate plan, it would almost be as hard to get citizenship as it is for an Obama nominee to get confirmed in the Senate. Under the Senate proposal, the path to citizenship could involve a wait of decades. Guys, it’s supposed to be a path, not an Odyssey. The path to citizenship shouldn’t include having to blind a Cyclops.
The President’s plan would also treat immigrants in same-sex relationships the same way that married heterosexual immigrants are treated. Gay immigrants! That’s like a double whammy in the minds of rightwing extremists! To their minds, a gay immigrant is like a vampire who is also a zombie. To conservatives, the very concept of gay immigrants is like a perfect storm of the things they hate. The only way it could be worse is if they were Muslim gay immigrants. If conservatives had their way, we wouldn’t even allow any immigration from gay countries. And you just know that they have a list of countries that they consider gay.
Within the Tea Party wing of the GOP, the bipartisan immigration plan faces stiff opposition. What do you expect from a bunch of stiffs? Republicans who deviate from the lunatic-fringe mentality of the GOP base have a tough balancing act—they’re trying to prevent the GOP from destroying itself, even as it’s trying to destroy them for not toeing the line. The Republicans who have the biggest problems with immigration are those in the Deep South of the old Confederacy—the secessionists! They don’t want people coming into this country, but they themselves want to leave this country! “All you dang foreigners get out of America... so we can leave America!”
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